An Unexpectedly Excellent Weekend.

Your Humble Bloggist (I no longer like the term "blogger". Bloggist is what I imagine Pepys would have called himself if there were blogs in the 17th century, and what better aspiration can a bloggist have than to be Pepysian?) remarked to the Official Awesome Breathing Partner (see the definition of aloha in the menehune blog below) of Your Humble Bloggist that the weekend beginning 9 March 2007 would be an uneventful one. She begged to differ and the idea came to me that if I passed through the weekend taking note of things so as to enter them in an Official Blog Project, it would make the days that much more interesting. So this is my first blog entry recounting the events of everyday life at the St. John-Smythe manor. There is a heavy dose of 1980s nostalgia below as well. You might find it tiresome. If you do, please click out of this site with no regrets; as always, I will not take it personally.

Friday evening

OK so it was 1981. Your Humble Bloggist was in his first year at his institution of higher learning. In the second floor west hallway of Hamilton Hall was formed probably the most kick ass air band of all time. If we had a name I do not remember it. There exists at our abode a photo of said kick ass air band. An APB is out. If it is apprehended, I will post it. What was the #1 album of 1981? Why, Paradise Road by Styx. Many an air band hour was passed pretending to play Welcome to Paradise as I recall. The photo is actually of us doing More Than A Feeling by Boston. I can just tell from Official Friend Flem's facial expression. Flem by the way was the Official Best Man at the wedding of Sir Charles and Official Awesome Breathing Partner (1987, more 80s nostalgia!!!). Did anyone who graduated high school in 1981 NOT have The Best of Times by Styx as their final prom song? I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, where was Styx on 9 March 2007? Still playing gigs. On that day it so happens the gig was in our unpretentious but worthy town. For the second time in six days yours truly and the OABP packed our protective noise reduction ear wear and took our fortysomething selves to the Shrine Mosque for a rock concert. (3 March was Moody Blues. Justin Hayward still does a faboo vocal. Unlike Billy Joel who judging by his Super Bowl performance has had one ciggie too many. It's the attack of the 80s in this blog entry I tell you!).

First we had a mediocre dinner downtown, the only saving grace of which was that I saw this smokin hot if-she-was-president -she'd-be-Babe-raham-Lincoln brunette walking next to me on the way in.










The warmup band was great and closed with Pink Floyd's Wall (1970s nostalgic outlier). Fernando and Robin were there to rock out with us.

There in front of us were Tommy Shaw and James Young, the only two original members. The bass player is unknown to me. The following I have learned from Wikipedia: The voice most associated with the big Styx hits is Dennis DeYoung, who left the group long ago for the customary "artistic differences". Tommy wanted to shred rock music while Dennis wanted to sell more pop hits. So there's that tale of woe, and neither one seems to have hit it big without the other, to say the least. I was a little depressed that they did not play Babe, which, don't hate for saying this, is one of my faves. Don't hate me! No hating the bloggist! Sappy elevator music pablum, yes, I know! Sorry!

Anyway, we got 2.5 hours straight of face-melting guitar solos and gut-busting drum runs. Thank you Dewey Finn for that phraseology. There were young folk making the rock and roll hand gesture which seems to have been originated sometime between the last Blue Oyster Cult concert at which I was present (1984-I was running the follow spot that day. It is an amusing tale that I will write someday, but only when I am in a mood of maximum self-deprecation) and 9 March 2007, because I have never seen it before.

Confetti happened.
Styx, even the pared down version, is rockin!

Saturday morning

There is a noble and trusty piece of equipment that is mine, that Cannondale bike which I acquired in 1989 (the 80s rock on!).

Shame I didn't have that on the lava fields. I think menehune care nothing about slow triathletes on 1980s vintage cycles. The local cycling club treated everyone who wanted to go to some chili and an organized ride out to the rural parts. The Chili Ride, logically. Trusty equipment and I met Jeff, awesome cyclist and triathlete for the forty miler. It is fun to take action shots while riding.

I promise that jersey is the only Ironman Hawaii souvenir I bought there. I don't have like this whole braggy look at me IM Hawaii tri wardrobe, if that's what you're thinking. No hating the bloggist!




Perfect day for riding and spring fever.

Saturday afternoon

You may or may not have heard of a vicious and calamitous ice storm which wrecked our town in January.

WHen it was cold and snowy our incredibly generous friends the Lumps came to help us cut and clear. The temperature being favorable this weekend, I set about stacking all the wood that I had chopped with my awesome new axe a few weeks back.
Did you see the huge piles of sticks in the dogsledding picture? This area is still buried in jillions of sticks (or should I say Styx? Bad, bad bloggist pun, atrocious really, but it had to happen you know).

Youngest Progeny of Sir Charles loves to help carry styx.


















Sharpening your axe is fun!

After stick stacking, you might want to throw around the disc in the front yard. Here is the forehand flip as we do it. That might look silly to those who know how to do it right. I have no idea.



















Saturday evening


There is an excellent indie cinema in our super downtown. Dude that owns it has an awesome blog. Eldest Progeny is highly desirous of seeing Pan's Labyrinth.

This is a pretty good flick from Spain, but holy moley there is much blood and gore, worse I think than The Departed, which was just... ick. I guess the Spanish Civil War was not fought in a gentlemanly way. I do not know why that surprised me.

A quick bite at our urban Quizno's


Dessert at your local ice cream parlor/pharmaceutical megachain

Then on to Local Prestigious Small Liberal Arts College for Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest, which is one of the most entertaining 1890s (kind of the reverse of 1980s, so sort of in the theme...ok not really) creations. There was satire and knowing laughter from the teenage Anglophile whose knowledge of things British never ceases to amaze her father.

That was a really busy evening.

Sunday morning and afternoon

Here is a trip to the orange store for bathroom tiles. Eldest Progeny has correctly guessed that I have asked her to come just to take photos, but if that's why a dad and daughter are together, it's not such a bad thing. At least that's the way I look at it.
Some cello practice. "Simple Gifts" sounds awesome on a well-played cello.




No Sunday would be complete without a social studies project.


Blog writing....






















Sunday night

The local microbrewery hosts a meeting of us dudes on Sunday nights. Tonight's topics of conversation included the coming crisis in the economy due to the shaky nature of the subprime mortgage market (seriously).
Of course, this led to discussion of the relative merits of the dollar coin. Consensus was reached that there would be more success in this initiative if the mint would put a woman hotter than SB Anthony or Sacajawea on it. But we could not agree, believe it or not, on an American candidate. Too bad Shakira is not American. They could put her on a coin. If she was American, you know.



Today we entered our lovable mutt Kona in the local Pet Idol contest. She was in the paper!





If you want to vote for her, I put the link below. You have to search for her number, 114!

http://php.news-leader.com/PetIdol/Gallery.php

Hope you liked it


So there is the first non-tropical dispatch from the life of Sir Charles St. John-Smythe. Every writer should have a nom de plume if he wants one. Mine is borrowed from James Bond's A View to a Kill (1985!). Hope it was readable. Knowing I was going to write about it made it a lot of fun for me. Aloha.

CURACAO 2007
Doug Stern's Multisport Training Camp


What is this and why would anyone want to do it anyway?

Well, probably this program has some sort of official name, but the nine days of fun/exertion on the tropical island of Curacao call for some sort of all-encompassing moniker. Sternapalooza came to me, I like it, and if it's ok with you I am going to call it that. If you don't like it, or anything else herein, you can stop reading; I will not hold it against you.

So if you are going to be a Sternapaloozan you should know about the event's namesake. Doug Stern, from what I understand, has a large clientele who call him their swim coach in New York City. I think there is this mystical Monday evening gathering of some of the most awesome swimmers in the city at some magical underground grotto pool where Doug Stern stands at the pool deck puppet-mastering perfect form from his students. I don't know if this is true, since I have never been there, but this is how I imagine it. If you have been there and know the truth to be different, please do not disabuse me of this mental picture.

I don't know much about Doug Stern's past history other than he used to be a bodybuilder, as well as a phys ed teacher, and he has a Harley or something. He has had an earring since 1975, which is unimportant but interesting, at least to me. His coaching bona fides are unknown to me, though they are surely on a website somewhere.

I think it is true that most people who sign on to Sternapalooza want to go for the swim instruction. The contortions of the body that are required to go fast are the things that Doug Stern might be able to teach you. Curacao, being in the Caribbean and all, has an ample supply of perfect 80-degree waters. You can go swimming out in the sea. Doug Stern will shepherd his flock and you will lose any fear of open water swimming. Doug Stern will take videos of you swimming (in my case finger air quotes swimming finger air quotes) and dispel any notion you might have that you have a beautiful freestyle. Unless you do (have a beautiful freestyle), but in that case why are you here? The camera does not, as they say, lie. And Doug Stern does not pull any punches.

This is the typical day which goes like this

OK before I go any further, I should tell you that, although you are on vacation, there is this thing called "Stern time". Doug Stern does not tolerate tardiness. The bus leaves the hotel to take people to the pool at 7 AM exactly. The lovely ladies who put out coffee for everyone in the morning will make sure you do not suffer hypocaffeinemia. So make sure your swim bag is packed because Doug Stern is leaving at 7 for sure. Running to the pool is awesome, because you can go across the floating bridge and cross off 3 miles for the book.

Doug Stern's pool in Curacao is of the 50 meter variety. This minimizes the lane congestion that occurs when circle swimming. So that's good, but 50 meters can seem like a long way. The 5 lanes are seeded according to ability. Before you get in the water, Doug Stern will instruct you, suggesting that you use your hips in strange but effective ways. You should listen and practice along. Concentrate on what Doug Stern has to say.


Oh, and if you keep your elbows high, you will make Doug Stern happy.<>

The best reason to be comfortable breathing from both sides is that Doug Stern prowls the deck while you swim, motioning what could be done better as you carve your way through the water. But you will not see Doug Stern if you are breathing away from him.

Doug Stern's associate on the deck is Tony Ervin, who wishes to be known not as the guy who won gold in Sydney, but as just Tony. Here is a picture of Tony, who swims very fast and has tattoos, with me, who...not and not. <> If you are lucky you will see Tony swim 50 meters very fast and with no breath. You might then find yourself, as I did, the recipient of the following exchange at breakfast after.

Me: Tony that was really impressive watching you swim today.
He: You were impressive too.
Me: Wow thanks that really means a lot.
He: No dude that wasn't a compliment. I didn't say it was a good impression.
Tony would win a gold in scary faces for sure.

Your day at Sternapalooza continues with a post swim breakfast. If you are lucky enough to have a friend who packs intelligently you might be able to mooch a baggie to save a little sandwich for lunch.

OK, campers, gather for the bike rides. JP and Basil, cyclists extraordinaire, will lead the way around the eastern end of the island. One group values style over raw speed and is hence known as the stylish group. The mainstay of the bike ride is named the Jillmonica loop, so named for two awesome and exquisitely stylish campers of years past. I tell you it can get seriously hot out there on Jillmonica. Don't crush yourself the first day. Seriously. Don't say I didn't warn you. A lot of triathletes have never ridden in a big pack before. It's a little weird. Don't freak out. Your ride will go for 90 minutes or so.

After the bike ride might be a good time to call home. You can get a phone card and use the phone down the beach next to the Bikini Shop. It is best not to look at the scenery on the beach while you are talking to loved ones shivering at home. You owe them that, at least. <>

Chill out for a while because the highlight of your day is the 5 o'clock swim out in the open water. Your awesome tour begins in a small channel that leads past the Seaquarium. The dolphins and sea lions are just across, right there on the other side of that chain link fence. That bridge lends itself to bridge gymnastics, if you have any sweet moves.
.

It's about 200 meters to the opening to the Caribbean. Once you paddle through the waves at the opening, you will see a little coral reef,make a right turn and take off with the current for maybe 500 meters back to the other end of the channel. If you were to pay attention, and I know that you would, you will notice the most incredible deep blue you have ever seen. You can do some yoga on the beach after. Or just pass out.
<>


Shower off the salt and bring something to share at the sunset cocktail hour. Enjoy the celestial spectacle. The moon seems to be reclining, I guess because of the latitude.[Blogger edit-I just noticed the waxing moon looking the same here way up north, so while other things may only happen in the tropics, the reclining moon is not one of them. Sir C.St. J.-S. 23 Feb 2007] The half moon looks like a bowl the way it is oriented. If you wait a little longer, you will see the Southern Cross rise in the east[Blogger edit-I have researched this and suspect that the Southern Cross is not visible in Curacao at this time of year, so, as the kids say today, my bad. Sir C. St.J.-S. 7 Feb 2007 ]. Dinner groups form, the evening winds down. Meet Judy (same Judy from the menehune blog post!) and me at the bar after, since we seem to be the only ones not interested in early bedtimes. Somebody, I won't say who, might have a magic bike bottle at the ready to "enhance" the bar drinks.

If that sounds regimented to you, you might like the "other" days

There are two days of long bike rides and no swimming. I think Doug Stern does not want people to decimate their shoulders.

One day you ride to Knip Beach and local host Remy, who can salsa at a bus stop like no other, will cook a big feast.

The famous author Oliver Sacks might do a reading in which, using his unique mastery of both medicine and prose, he will make being struck by lightning sound like a really good idea.< >

You don't have to ride out. If you take the bus you get to stop at these excellent cliffs and see the wild Caribbean.<> It's about 60 miles round trip, so you might want to train a little before trying that one on a bike.

Then there are the cliffs at West Point. Friday brings the opportunity to ride out to do some jumping off said cliffs. This is something I recommend, but just once, because a butt bruise is almost inevitable. <>You get to freefall 40 feet or something like that, which is awesome.

If you are lucky, the ride home into the wind will be undertaken with 8 fun people in a double paceline. A really speedy dog might race you for a mile or so. There is one on that road that can seriously book. I think racing a peloton is just about the funnest thing ever for this pup. Ring up 64 miles for your round trip.

It is also Friday that brings the pirate ship cruise. If you're like me, anything having to do with pirates is automatically intriguing, like the pirate show at Treasure Island in Vegas. The TI pirates are, well, you should just see them sometime. Alas I have digressed to another awesome trip I have recently taken. So everyone gets dinghyed(?) out to the craft, aboard which you can have beer that comes in cans with pictures of bikini babes on them. The first stop is at a place with a sunken tugboat. Snorkeling ensues. If you have a snorkeling partner who will generously share a piece of bread with you, you can hand feed the fish. I don't know if Cousteau would approve...I fear not. Maybe somebody will spot a moray eel. I'm not sure that there is anything better than snorkeling off a pirate ship. When you get back to the boat, you should do a back flip off the side if you can. Your fellow campers will give you more applause than you deserve. Dang that moon looks crazy in motion when viewed from the perspective of a rocking pirate ship. The first mate or whoever is all the while cooking up a nice smorgasbord barbecue. Some people like to eat a lot of meat while on a pirate ship cruise. There is dancing on the deck, and this is also something I recommend.
I for one wish I could go on a pirate ship cruise more often.


There's another night, I don't remember when, when the hotel caters a beach barbecue. There are tiki torches. Watch people nearly getting their hair caught on fire. Doug Stern got some kind of honor from the Curacaoan authorities. As such, he took it upon himself to interview people using a spoon as a microphone prop. Doug Stern is very effective at channeling Mel Brooks when he has a spoon microphone
.

Tracy and Basil were at the beach. <>

Here is a photo of them in 2005 as a brand new couple. <>
2007 and they're the real deal >

Hooray for Tracy and Basil!

One quick word about Lions Dive Resort

Is there a nicer place to eat breakfast? I really don't think so<>

<>












The staff is great! <> Will the manager is a studly swimmer, and is the one who treats you to the pirate ship cruise, and you already know that I dig that cruise . The bar is called Hemingway. Not Hemingway's. You may find yourself wrapped round a mojito and talking like the the Old Man himself ("Smoked a cigarette. Made love to Katherine. Went fishing." Make up your own 2-4 word sentences.)














Time for the big finish

Doug Stern will give you his thoughts on life on the last bus trip. Listen to them; they're really good. Life is indeed not a dress rehearsal. You get one kick at the cat, I think is the saying. Brothers and sisters, that's no lie.

Stay if you can for the last Sunday 2 mile swim. The water is even more amazing a bit further out to sea. I couldn't this year and missed this sublime experience. Next time for sure.

If you're still reading, and you are of course, it will not surprise you to know that I thought 2007 was a fun Sternapalooza, what with the swimming past the dolphins, the dog who likes to race bikes, the dinner at Hemingway wherein the same person spilled two different drinks on two different people, a budding New York-Michigan romance (fingers crossed!), the runs through town and over the bridge for the morning swim, moray eels, the moon in motion, tiki torches on the beach, and new friends from all over.

Aloha, Sir Charles

PS When you get home, give your loved ones a hug and they might help you reassemble your bike.
















Share your knowledge of good form and high elbows with all the swimmers in your life.















Plus you might want to hook up your mutts to the sled and give your fabulous spouse a joyride.

Many thanks to Matt, Ann, Tim, and Lisa for some pix